just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
