i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
