She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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