Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
