All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
