ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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