3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
