somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am spending my child support on dildos
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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