Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
