When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
