i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
