You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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