my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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