so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
