I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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