um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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