I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
