Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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