I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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