We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So much rum. So many feels.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
