its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
