Tell her she can't have a vagina
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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