I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
