this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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