Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
