I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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