sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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