You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
