I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
