He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
