Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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