piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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