I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
