quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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