ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
