Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and she was petting her beer can
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I touched a dick in church today
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
