i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Holy shit dude........stairs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
