Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
did you just send me my own nude
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
