Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
