Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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