Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
