He felt like a one man threesome
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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