Got a toothbrush?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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