You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried