I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
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It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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