You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
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def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
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dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice