I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This can only be settled by a dance off.