i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
