I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
