cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
