Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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