The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
