My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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