we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
