I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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