Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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