Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
