how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
