I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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