i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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