were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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