"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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