Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
