i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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