I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
