Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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