you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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