He uses pillows to masturbate.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
