This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
