$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
