You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
