They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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