Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
bring money and cleavage
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
