I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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