he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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