Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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