if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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